Life surely is not always fair, yet having learned to boldly search for meaning in lives U-bends and what I discovered there has been a priceless gift.

Having stared at a blank hospital wall, the only entertainment has often been my rich inner world.

I witnessed my inner child being scared and held it at night, imagining I was the mum, talked to it and loved it, like no one else I know was capable to love.

Feeling Love usually being dependant on behaviour, following demands and expectations, can easily devalue something that is actually sacred.

I was lucky!

16 years old being told, "You can't have kids... "so what would you have set out to do?"

For me, my own Kids were essential on my lives path till then...

Not even giving myself time to feel the pain, not even telling anyone, just getting on with it actually ignoring it completely.

15hr work days, decompression and getting the fun guy that will never bore me and adore me for life, to distract me from this deep grief I buried.

Of course...the result: Working hard, striving ... burning out.

Yet, having had encountered this innocent, unique and authentic relationship early in life, had me remember and call me back when I got too busy accumulating attention, success and control.

The well of true love was actually within me,

What made me mature was my child looking up to me.

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